Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Forever and Always

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”
- Neil Gaiman

It is not easy to feel that vulnerable and to be able to live with it. And you know that you and I will never be one, never together. And yet you will forever and always have the power to reach inside me and mess me up. I trust you enough to know you will never do it. I want to believe I hold the same power over you, that you feel me as I will always feel you. We met in a fleeting moment of time, and just like the delicate fluttering of a butterfly's wings, it was gone.

It will take an eternity to comprehend that I will never feel your touch again, never wrap myself like a second skin around you, never laugh with you in the middle of a kiss again. For those few moments, you made me feel like the most special being on the planet, you your queen, that you worshiped with your lips, your hands, your almost reverent touch. For those few moments, time stood still and nothing but you and me existed. I will never be able to blink without a flash back to our time together. The way you made me feel, I have never felt before. I could be uninhibited and free in your arms, say what I want, do what I want, be who I am. And I felt you feel it too. I saw you  lose yourself, I heard you say what you would never dare to, I saw you struggle with leaving. I felt you resist it, know we will never meet again. Those few moments, I think we were truly two bodies with one soul. 

As I lay  there that last night, watching you doze off, committing every tiny freckle on your face to memory, I thought about the irony of this life. You put a breath of pure fresh air in me, revived me and pulled me back from a downward spiral that would have sucked me in to place from where there is no return. And I think I was your salvation from insanity. You drew your strength from me, to survive your own personal hell, to be able to go back face your demons, because you now have me around you like you very own personal armour. For no matter the distance, I will always protect you and yours. And you will always be my anchor, that will keep me grounded from a distance.  

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