There is a
certain feeling that only comes at this time of the year. Makes you question
the value of happiness and your reason to be happy. The festival season in a
manner of speaking makes me question mortality, because ironically it is around
this time that you kind of realise who is mourning and who isn’t. it reminds
you for the year gone by, the joys and the upsets. More than anything it makes
me feel a little bereft. See, till three years ago, I used to be living outside
Delhi, away from home. Back then, Diwali meant going home for the holidays! Now
I AM home.. and that just feels wrong. There is nothing really to look forward
to anymore.
This might sound
really jaded, but I have started relating the festival season more with what I lost
through the year, than anything else. I look for people who have lost, and are
mourning, and I realise that sounds very morbid but it is a fact. For some
reason it hits the closest to home at this time of the year. Even New Year’s
eve isn’t capable of being as depressing as this time.
Which is why, it
was such a blessing to live away. Being home for the holidays meant a stress
free few weeks, with loads of food, fun, relatives and gifts. Now all that is
still there, but there is no inkling of stress free time.
