Ramblings..

When you meet people you’ve known for a while, you figure they’d understand what you want. They’d get that you have a need to figure things out with that someone who is so important to you. There is however always that apprehension that you might not be as important to that person. That as always they can turn their back on you and go to sleep.  And no matter how drunk you are, how drunk you want to be, some fantasies do not turn into reality. While life may offer an excuse, it isn’t an excuse valid enough for you to believe. Ever. And no matter how hard you try you simply cannot figure things out. There is a certain restlessness about every thing you do, you think, you try.  And no amount of striving for inner peace helps. I sit here, in a strange room with feet slowly turning cold, and a heart that feels like it beats just because it has to. Not because it wants to. A chronic short fall of emotion, of intelligence, of guts, of everything that makes living worth its while. And try as you might there is nothing that can fill a void caused by a void an emptiness that you have begun to feel has become an inherent part of who you are. Sleep.